Ever get in a rut? I am in one and I am fighting like mad to maintain. Money stuff is usually what starts these kinds of ruts for me. We are in such a better place than we were last year but I swear I HATE being the breadwinner. Or maybe I just hate being the breadwinner because A. seems to have no concept of financial reality.  Each pay period we both get X amount of money; you know, the pay yourselves first concept. It works. This is out walk-about; buy ourselves something, lunch, gas, etc. money for the next two weeks. Anything else, bills, groceries, car repairs etc comes from our ‘house fund”.  I manage the finances, partly because I am a bit controlling over things like that and partly because I want to, A would do it but really doesn’t care either way.

So last paychecks come and we each get out allotted amount and A gets some extra because he needs to get the car inspected. Um ok – enter problem. We are 1 week away from our next checks and not only is he out of money but he has not gotten the car inspected, and I had to give him money for gas today, and I had to put money in his account to cover 2 bounced checks. I mean what the hell…really. Now I know I make more money BUT we each get the same amount of money for a 2 week period. Granted he paid for some groceries as well (and I appreciate that). But he has NO concept of if you don’t have it you don’t spend it. He owes friends some money too. I mean come on; he is 36 years old. I love him dearly but this whole scenario repeating itself is getting OLD, FAST.

Aside from the money stuff, or maybe I should say, in addition to it, this morning he says to me that he thinks that in 3 years or so we should be able to have kids - WHAT!?! – less than a week ago we talked about how I was not sure I wanted to be a parent and he agreed and to top it he even said that he thought they were a bigger financial responsibility than he wanted. HELLO!?!  I am not sure where he really stands  (I am not sure where MY final stance is) and if part of this 3 year comment comes from the fact that EVERYONE we know is having babies.

Back to financial oblivion…after the baby comment, or perhaps as a continuum of it, he says that we should be able to get a house within the next 3 years and then have a baby. He goes on to say that he has heard of zero down financing. I calmly tell him that with our credit zero down financing is probably (no way in hell) and option. He tells me I am being negative. I tell him I am being realistic. *sigh*. To top it all off I have no idea how I feel about wanting to have kids and that my opinion changes day to day. (To anyone who is wondering YES we did talk about all this before we got married; believe it or not!).

I feel overwhelmed, I feel overly responsible, I feel ambiguous and I feel like there has to be something more to life than this. I feel like if our finances were being split more 50/50 I would be saner. But that is not an option so what do I do? Take it one day at a time and keep the lines of communication open. I love him and I know that he wishes he made more money, but we are where we are and that is where we need to be able to live in.